Glowie
Once upon a time, there was a girl who lived with her step mother and two step sister in a tower, middle of forest. The girl's name was Glowie. Glowie was a beautiful girl than her two step sister. Glowie had long brown hair. Her hair was very long. When she was singing nice song, her hair glow.
Glowie's step mother and her step sisters are bad people. they made Glowie suffered in her own house. Her step mother was forcing Glowie to do all the house chores. Her step sisters weren't allowing Glowie to use her nice dresses and doll up.
One day, royal envoy came to Glowie's house for announcing that the Kingdom will hold a part for their Prince. All of girls in the town had to come to the party. When Glowie heard that, she was very happy. But, her two step sisters and her step mother probed her to go anywhere the day.
At the night, Glowie was crying because she wanted to go to the party, but she couldn't. When Glowie was crying, a fairy came to her. Then, the fairy made her became a beautiful girl with nice hair. the fairy told to Glowie that she had to come back at midnight because the magic would lose after the midnight. Glowie went to the party with beautiful blue dress. All people looked at to her. After that, The Prince asked Glowie to dance together. When they were dancing, they didn't realize the time was running to midnight. Glowie was surprised and ran to come back to her house before her step mother and her step sisters arrived. But,The Prince was hold Glowie's hair ang got her hair.
On the next day, royal envoy came again to Glowie's house to find who has the glow's hair. When Glowie was singing, her step mother blocked her in room.So, the royal envoy didn't find the own of glow's hair. And they leaved. Glowie had a showed in a cafe and when she was singing, her hair was glowing. The royal envoy that ware being there, they looked at Glowie. Then they approached Glowie and showed haircut of Glowie. The royal envoy found the own of glow hair.
Finally, Glowie and The Prince were married. Glowie's step mother and her step sisters were became a housekeeper and maid in a tower. Glowie and the Prince were living happily ever after.
Well, maybe i will start from using uppercase after period.(to make your story easy to understand).
ReplyDelete"And they leaved Glowie had a showed in the cafe." It should "And they were leaved Glowie"
" The royal envoy that ware being there,they looked at Glowie" what do you mean "ware" (gudang)?
GOOD LUCK
ware is were
DeleteThank you to remind me :)
Youhave nice story mitha. I enjoyed. But there 're some mistakes I found in your story.
ReplyDeletefirst in line two at first paragraph "The girl's name was Glowie. " it is not a sentence I think. you should write "the girl named Glowie".
second, in line 3 at third paragraph "Kingdom will hold a part for their Prince" you should write" Kingdom would held a part for their Prince"
the last one at fourth paragraph in line 9"The Prince was hold Glowie's hair ang got her hair." you should write "The Prince hold Glowie's hair and got her hair.
Fighting^-^
in paragraph 2 line 3 it means "Kingdom will hold a party for their Prince"
DeleteYap
Thank you ^^
he girl's name was Glowie.
ReplyDeleteit should be " Her named Glowie"
sisters weren't allowing Glowie
it should be " sisters weren't allowed Glowie"
All people looked at to her
it should be " all people looked at her."
ang
it should be " and"
who has the glow's hair.
It should be " who had the glow's hair."
the Prince were living happily ever after.
it should be "The prince lived happily ever after."
I like your story, but what the meaning of Glowie??
and that's all from me ^^
Glowie means a girl who had glow hair
DeleteThank you ^^
I like your story, but I tthink, "Glowie's step mother and her step sisters are bad people" it must be " Glowie's step mother and her step sisters were bad people".
ReplyDeleteOke, thank you :)
Deletewell, it's a good story but I'd like to fix some mistakes in your writing. For instance :
ReplyDelete- in the first paragraph " two step sister" remember 'two' means 'plural' so, it must be "two step sisters"
"middle of forest" you have to use preposition, so it should be " in the middle of forest"
"Glowie was a beautiful girl than her two step sister" you could not use this sentence, you could write like this "Glowie was a beautiful girl. she was more beautiful than sisters"
"When she was singing nice song, her hair glow" it should be "When she was singing nice song, her hair became glow"
- in the second paragraph "Her step mother was forcing Glowie to do all the house chores. Her step sisters weren't allowing Glowie to use her nice dresses and doll up." may I know, why did you use past continuous? why didn't you use simple past tense?
- in the third paragraph "...the Kingdom will hold a part for their Prince" maybe u mean 'a party' right?
- in the fourth paragraph "the fairy told to Glowie" it should be "the fairy told Glowie"
"Glowie had a showed in a cafe and when she was singing, her hair was glowing." a cafe? in the middle of forest? i didn't know if Glowie worked in a cafe, it was not stated in your story. you should tell it first.
oke, that's all :)
*keep struggling ^^
siippp :D
DeleteWhen she was singing nice song, her hair glow. i think, it should be better if you change the sentence became "she had beautiful voice when she was singing and her hair became glow, i think it should be better.
ReplyDeleteOke ^^
Delete